Four Things They Don't Tell You About Anti-Depressants
I have been an anxious person for as long as I can remember. Literally. I remember my first panic attack like it was yesterday, but I was merely the tender age of four years old. I remember I had a funny feeling in my stomach and I was terrified that I was going to die. I remember the feeling wasn't even painful. It was just different, and I knew in that moment that that was how I was going to die. I remember curling up in my moms lap, shaking and feeling freezing.
Over the years, the anxiety and panic attacks have waxed and waned with the seasons of life. At times I lived very carefree with very little anxiety. Other times it seemed I could never hold my head above the water long enough to get a good breath in.
About a year and a half ago, I hit rock bottom. I was overcome with so much anxiety that it actually led to depression. I had no idea what was happening. I had no idea that I was depressed. None of my usual "tricks" were working and I needed help. I was breaking and everyone could see it. My doctor prescribed me Zoloft. I filled the prescription like a good little patient, went home and promptly put the bottle on the highest shelf, in the very back of the medicine cabinet. I ignored that transparent orange bottle for weeks. Those little blue pills taunted me. One day, I couldn't do it anymore. So I said "FUCK THIS" and I finally took one. I have been a daily user since then, and added another medication into my regimen as well. My doctor told me that the pills would make me feel better. She warned me about low libido as a side effect and went over the normal talk of "if you have worsening depression or thoughts of suicide contact your doctor immediately".
But after a year and a half of being on Zoloft, here are four things that I wish I would have known when I started taking it.
1. Your skin will hate the sun.
Guys, I am a native Californian. I lived in California for the first 25 years of my life, and I do not sunburn. I just don't. I remember my first sunburn ever. I was in 8th grade and on a field trip and the tops of my shoulders got a little pink. A little pink, was the extent of my sunburns until last summer. So naturally sunscreen had been a rare thought that crossed my mind... okay it was never a thought. I laid out for HOURS with tanning oil dripping down my body while my legs and stomach turned to a beautiful olive tan. Now if I am in the sun for more than 15 minutes, it literally feels as though someone is rubbing jalapeno juice on my skin. It physically hurts to be in the sun. I try to remember to put on sunscreen but even then, I still burn like crazy.
2. Your eyes will hate the sun.
As if having vampire skin that burns every time you step into the light, isn't bad enough. At least the Cullen's could look into sun without their retinas burning off. I now have to wear sunglasses almost every day, even if it's overcast. Bright lamps irritate my eyes and the flashes of cameras leave blurs of light in my eyes for hours (I wish those paparazzi would just leave me alone already). I am thankful that a few years back I invested in a really nice pair of sunglasses because they are pretty much a life saver for me year round.
3. You will yawn a lot.
This one honestly sucks. I work at the front desk of a dental office, and when I am yawning every other minute when we have patients in the waiting room I feel so horrible and unprofessional. I literally cannot help it though. I yawn compulsively since starting Zoloft, even if I am not tired. I can be in the middle of a three mile run and I will yawn multiple times. As I am typing this I literally cannot stop yawning. I bet you're yawning now too. Either because you're reading about yawning, or because you're bored. Either way, I apologize.
4. You will find your new normal.
My biggest worry when I started taking Zoloft is that I would forever be on anti-depressants. I had this fear that I was going to turn into this mom who needed a pill for everything (no judgement to those who do, I just personally hate taking medication). I was scared that I would be different and that my life would never be the same. After a year and a half, I can honestly say that my life is very different than before I started taking Zoloft. It has changed immensely, for the better. I still have my days, but I am functioning again. I am living my life to the best of my ability right now and aside from weekly therapy sessions, I can thank my little blue pills for making that possible. It's quite the amazing feeling.
These are some things I wish I had known about before I started taking Zoloft. Not because I would have changed my mind, but because I like to be prepared for what's to come. Obviously not everyone's experiences on anti-depressants will be the same and I cannot vouch for anyone else, but these are the changes I have noticed in myself that do have some scientific research to back it up. I know because I googled it to make sure I wasn't crazy. Oh wait... I am. Dammit! But it's true! I swear, these side effects are real possibilities.
If you are feeling depressed, please talk to your doctor. There is help out there. Even if it comes with some wonky side effects.
If you or someone you know are feeling suicidal please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255
Over the years, the anxiety and panic attacks have waxed and waned with the seasons of life. At times I lived very carefree with very little anxiety. Other times it seemed I could never hold my head above the water long enough to get a good breath in.
About a year and a half ago, I hit rock bottom. I was overcome with so much anxiety that it actually led to depression. I had no idea what was happening. I had no idea that I was depressed. None of my usual "tricks" were working and I needed help. I was breaking and everyone could see it. My doctor prescribed me Zoloft. I filled the prescription like a good little patient, went home and promptly put the bottle on the highest shelf, in the very back of the medicine cabinet. I ignored that transparent orange bottle for weeks. Those little blue pills taunted me. One day, I couldn't do it anymore. So I said "FUCK THIS" and I finally took one. I have been a daily user since then, and added another medication into my regimen as well. My doctor told me that the pills would make me feel better. She warned me about low libido as a side effect and went over the normal talk of "if you have worsening depression or thoughts of suicide contact your doctor immediately".
But after a year and a half of being on Zoloft, here are four things that I wish I would have known when I started taking it.
1. Your skin will hate the sun.
Guys, I am a native Californian. I lived in California for the first 25 years of my life, and I do not sunburn. I just don't. I remember my first sunburn ever. I was in 8th grade and on a field trip and the tops of my shoulders got a little pink. A little pink, was the extent of my sunburns until last summer. So naturally sunscreen had been a rare thought that crossed my mind... okay it was never a thought. I laid out for HOURS with tanning oil dripping down my body while my legs and stomach turned to a beautiful olive tan. Now if I am in the sun for more than 15 minutes, it literally feels as though someone is rubbing jalapeno juice on my skin. It physically hurts to be in the sun. I try to remember to put on sunscreen but even then, I still burn like crazy.
2. Your eyes will hate the sun.
As if having vampire skin that burns every time you step into the light, isn't bad enough. At least the Cullen's could look into sun without their retinas burning off. I now have to wear sunglasses almost every day, even if it's overcast. Bright lamps irritate my eyes and the flashes of cameras leave blurs of light in my eyes for hours (I wish those paparazzi would just leave me alone already). I am thankful that a few years back I invested in a really nice pair of sunglasses because they are pretty much a life saver for me year round.
3. You will yawn a lot.
This one honestly sucks. I work at the front desk of a dental office, and when I am yawning every other minute when we have patients in the waiting room I feel so horrible and unprofessional. I literally cannot help it though. I yawn compulsively since starting Zoloft, even if I am not tired. I can be in the middle of a three mile run and I will yawn multiple times. As I am typing this I literally cannot stop yawning. I bet you're yawning now too. Either because you're reading about yawning, or because you're bored. Either way, I apologize.
4. You will find your new normal.
My biggest worry when I started taking Zoloft is that I would forever be on anti-depressants. I had this fear that I was going to turn into this mom who needed a pill for everything (no judgement to those who do, I just personally hate taking medication). I was scared that I would be different and that my life would never be the same. After a year and a half, I can honestly say that my life is very different than before I started taking Zoloft. It has changed immensely, for the better. I still have my days, but I am functioning again. I am living my life to the best of my ability right now and aside from weekly therapy sessions, I can thank my little blue pills for making that possible. It's quite the amazing feeling.
These are some things I wish I had known about before I started taking Zoloft. Not because I would have changed my mind, but because I like to be prepared for what's to come. Obviously not everyone's experiences on anti-depressants will be the same and I cannot vouch for anyone else, but these are the changes I have noticed in myself that do have some scientific research to back it up. I know because I googled it to make sure I wasn't crazy. Oh wait... I am. Dammit! But it's true! I swear, these side effects are real possibilities.
If you are feeling depressed, please talk to your doctor. There is help out there. Even if it comes with some wonky side effects.
If you or someone you know are feeling suicidal please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255
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