Millennial Mommas-Where is the Village?
Recently, I was chatting with a friend, and we got to talking about motherhood and the challenges of raising young children. The potty training, the sleepless nights, the tantrums (from both mom and child), and just the all around, overwhelming feeling of being alone in it all. During this conversation, my friend was expressing to me how she yearned for "The Village". Her text stopped me in my tracks, because I too, in the sinking pit of my stomach, have that same yearning. I always thought, maybe it was just me? Maybe I am the only momma who doesn't have a village. Her text did two things for me immediately. The first, was validation. Validation that I was not the only one feeling this way. The second, it broke my heart. It made me sad that this woman, who I look up to, who I think is super mom and a generally awesome person, feels like she doesn't have the crucial support it takes to raise a family. Now I am not saying we are not capable of doing so on our own, but at what cost? The expense of our own health and happiness?
In some ways, The Village is still there. My village, is on Facebook. I am part of a group of about 200 like-minded mothers for the area where I live. These women are supportive and amazing and I can vent and cry and ask for advice from anywhere that I get wifi. But there are times, where a virtual village just is not enough. Sometimes, I need you to come over and help me fold my laundry while the kids play in the back. Sometimes I need you to take my kid for a few hours so I can scrub the damn floors without worrying about my three year old trying to drink the mop bucket water. Sometimes, I just need you to curl up on my couch, sleepy eyed and sip coffee while our children watch morning cartoons. Sometimes I need to borrow an egg, or an onion. Sometimes I just need help.
What happened? I remember this being a thing. I remember my mom having a village. I remember there was always someone there when we needed them to be. I remember going to the neighbors house with a measuring cup asking to borrow a little sugar. I remember my moms friend picking me up from school when I was sick and my parents were stuck at work. I remember having people we could call on. So where are they now? Are we just so busy interacting on Facebook that we can't put down the phone and walk across the street or drive across town to be with there for another momma in person?
I remember earlier this year, my sister and her girls all had a stomach bug, they had no food in the house and her husband was deployed, she texted a friend and asked if she could go to the store and get her some soup and crackers, her friend said "Sorry. I already went to the store this week."
Where is the Village?
In 2015, I had my wisdom teeth removed while my husband was deployed. I was in terrible pain and couldn't take care of myself, let alone my daughter. I begged for someone, anyone to bring me Advil. Person after person, told me why they couldn't.
Where is the Village?
That same year, I broke my toe, husband was still deployed. I asked a few friends if someone could go to the store and get me some tape so I could tape up my toes. Again, no help.
Where is the Village?
And sometimes, it isn't even about having someone to help you, its just about having someone to hang out with. Because talking to small children all day can make the most sane person lose their mind after awhile. I cannot tell you how many times, I have seen friends on Facebook post "I NEED adult interaction, or I am going to lose my mind." And I know that I too, have felt this way, so many times. I will reach out and ask people to come over for play dates, or to meet at the park, I will put myself out there. And more often than not, it is an unsuccessful attempt. You're probably thinking maybe something is wrong with me that people don't want to hang out, maybe she doesn't shower or has a really annoying voice. But I PROMISE I shower, I even brush my teeth...and my voice is probably annoying but I don't even have to talk that much. I just want you there. I want to know I have someone to rely on when I need them. I want to know that I can borrow an egg from you. And I want you to know that you can borrow an onion from me. HECK, you can HAVE my onion, you don't even have to give me one back.
I don't know what it is, I really don't. What is is about our generation that causes us to retreat into our homes, to not lend a helping hand when needed? Why do we no longer open our homes and our hearts to those who are also waist high in the trenches of parenting?
What I do know, is that I will be your village. I promise, that I am going to make a valiant effort to be your village. Because you deserve it.
In some ways, The Village is still there. My village, is on Facebook. I am part of a group of about 200 like-minded mothers for the area where I live. These women are supportive and amazing and I can vent and cry and ask for advice from anywhere that I get wifi. But there are times, where a virtual village just is not enough. Sometimes, I need you to come over and help me fold my laundry while the kids play in the back. Sometimes I need you to take my kid for a few hours so I can scrub the damn floors without worrying about my three year old trying to drink the mop bucket water. Sometimes, I just need you to curl up on my couch, sleepy eyed and sip coffee while our children watch morning cartoons. Sometimes I need to borrow an egg, or an onion. Sometimes I just need help.
What happened? I remember this being a thing. I remember my mom having a village. I remember there was always someone there when we needed them to be. I remember going to the neighbors house with a measuring cup asking to borrow a little sugar. I remember my moms friend picking me up from school when I was sick and my parents were stuck at work. I remember having people we could call on. So where are they now? Are we just so busy interacting on Facebook that we can't put down the phone and walk across the street or drive across town to be with there for another momma in person?
I remember earlier this year, my sister and her girls all had a stomach bug, they had no food in the house and her husband was deployed, she texted a friend and asked if she could go to the store and get her some soup and crackers, her friend said "Sorry. I already went to the store this week."
Where is the Village?
In 2015, I had my wisdom teeth removed while my husband was deployed. I was in terrible pain and couldn't take care of myself, let alone my daughter. I begged for someone, anyone to bring me Advil. Person after person, told me why they couldn't.
Where is the Village?
That same year, I broke my toe, husband was still deployed. I asked a few friends if someone could go to the store and get me some tape so I could tape up my toes. Again, no help.
Where is the Village?
And sometimes, it isn't even about having someone to help you, its just about having someone to hang out with. Because talking to small children all day can make the most sane person lose their mind after awhile. I cannot tell you how many times, I have seen friends on Facebook post "I NEED adult interaction, or I am going to lose my mind." And I know that I too, have felt this way, so many times. I will reach out and ask people to come over for play dates, or to meet at the park, I will put myself out there. And more often than not, it is an unsuccessful attempt. You're probably thinking maybe something is wrong with me that people don't want to hang out, maybe she doesn't shower or has a really annoying voice. But I PROMISE I shower, I even brush my teeth...and my voice is probably annoying but I don't even have to talk that much. I just want you there. I want to know I have someone to rely on when I need them. I want to know that I can borrow an egg from you. And I want you to know that you can borrow an onion from me. HECK, you can HAVE my onion, you don't even have to give me one back.
I don't know what it is, I really don't. What is is about our generation that causes us to retreat into our homes, to not lend a helping hand when needed? Why do we no longer open our homes and our hearts to those who are also waist high in the trenches of parenting?
What I do know, is that I will be your village. I promise, that I am going to make a valiant effort to be your village. Because you deserve it.
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