Why I Left The "Mom Group" (and why I am better off without it)
We've all been in one of those "mom groups", right? For those of you that are already lost because you possess some super human ability to not engage with strangers on the internet; a mom group is a group of mothers on Facebook that chit chat all day, get parenting tips, rant about their kids and husbands and provide support to other moms in need. It all sounds so idyllic right? In the virtual world we live in, the village that it takes to raise a child has moved from your next door neighbor, to an app on your phone. And with that, there are many benefits, but also some downfalls. Downfalls that I decided were too big to continue to be a part of this virtual village I had created around me. If someone could describe the perfect mom group, it would be the one I was in. It's moderators were great, the rules were simple and drama was not welcome. Those who brought their drama llama into the group with them, were swiftly removed and everyone was happy again. I gained some amazing insight from these women. I made friendships that I believe will last a lifetime. So at this point you're probably like "Okay lady, if this group was so great, then why did you leave? Don't you know you found a diamond in the rough?"
Yes... Yes I do, and leaving the group was not a decision I took lightly. After all, these women were my go to for nearly two years! When my daughter was sick and I needed advice, I would get 50 different responses. When I was heartbroken after weaning my daughter, they supported me. When I got in a 10 car pile up, they were there to help. When I was in the trenches battling depression, they guided me, supported me and loved me through it. And I reciprocated that support back as much as I could for those in need. It was amazing to have adult interaction, with like-minded women at my fingertips, 24/7. Someone was always awake, someone always had the answer. I began to use that instant accessibility as a crutch. From asking how the new restaurant in town rated, to what the rash on my daughters back could be, all I needed was them. It was so amazing to me that I forgot about the "real world". I had replaced so many resources with this virtual village that I became dependent on this group for everything, and it was inhibiting my desire to interact with my family. It was inhibiting my ability to talk to actual human beings. Not that these women aren't real, they are all local moms, many of whom I have actually met in person, but there is something entirely too comfortable about not having to talk to a person, in person. Like that whole maintaining eye contact thing, or waiting for your turn to speak, and when they come and go, greeting them warmly... you know, human interaction. I feel like I had fallen so far from that, that I forgot how to talk to people.
I started to notice this when I became friends with a particular mom (whom I happened to meet in this group), and is one of my very best friends. I noticed that when we would go out, she had this ability to chat with people everywhere she went. She was polite and engaging, she wasn't afraid to strike up a conversation with people. At first, it caught me off guard. I was thinking "who is this girl... didn't her mom teach to not to talk to strangers?" As time went on, I really grew a respect for this part of her personality. And then, I began to realize, this isn't a personality, this is a person, who is engaging with the world around her. She doesn't have her face stuck in her phone, scrolling through a feed. That is when I realized... I want to be like that. I want to be present. I want to make my interactions with others meaningful and personal. I want to build lasting friendships with people I can hug, and see their smile. This amazing woman, who is nearly 6 years my junior, was better at adulting in this area than me. Talk about a wake up call.
So...I left. I left and I am better for it. I am spending more time with my husband and daughter, spending less time on my phone. I am using resources that I forgot existed, like the nurses advice line for that rash. I am trying new restaurants based on pure curiosity, rather than the opinions of others. I am forcing myself to engage in friendships that I have been longing for. And it feels really great.
I miss the group, I really do, and someday I might go back, but right now, I need to do this for me. Because we only get one shot in this life, and I want to live mine in the present moment.
Yes... Yes I do, and leaving the group was not a decision I took lightly. After all, these women were my go to for nearly two years! When my daughter was sick and I needed advice, I would get 50 different responses. When I was heartbroken after weaning my daughter, they supported me. When I got in a 10 car pile up, they were there to help. When I was in the trenches battling depression, they guided me, supported me and loved me through it. And I reciprocated that support back as much as I could for those in need. It was amazing to have adult interaction, with like-minded women at my fingertips, 24/7. Someone was always awake, someone always had the answer. I began to use that instant accessibility as a crutch. From asking how the new restaurant in town rated, to what the rash on my daughters back could be, all I needed was them. It was so amazing to me that I forgot about the "real world". I had replaced so many resources with this virtual village that I became dependent on this group for everything, and it was inhibiting my desire to interact with my family. It was inhibiting my ability to talk to actual human beings. Not that these women aren't real, they are all local moms, many of whom I have actually met in person, but there is something entirely too comfortable about not having to talk to a person, in person. Like that whole maintaining eye contact thing, or waiting for your turn to speak, and when they come and go, greeting them warmly... you know, human interaction. I feel like I had fallen so far from that, that I forgot how to talk to people.
I started to notice this when I became friends with a particular mom (whom I happened to meet in this group), and is one of my very best friends. I noticed that when we would go out, she had this ability to chat with people everywhere she went. She was polite and engaging, she wasn't afraid to strike up a conversation with people. At first, it caught me off guard. I was thinking "who is this girl... didn't her mom teach to not to talk to strangers?" As time went on, I really grew a respect for this part of her personality. And then, I began to realize, this isn't a personality, this is a person, who is engaging with the world around her. She doesn't have her face stuck in her phone, scrolling through a feed. That is when I realized... I want to be like that. I want to be present. I want to make my interactions with others meaningful and personal. I want to build lasting friendships with people I can hug, and see their smile. This amazing woman, who is nearly 6 years my junior, was better at adulting in this area than me. Talk about a wake up call.
So...I left. I left and I am better for it. I am spending more time with my husband and daughter, spending less time on my phone. I am using resources that I forgot existed, like the nurses advice line for that rash. I am trying new restaurants based on pure curiosity, rather than the opinions of others. I am forcing myself to engage in friendships that I have been longing for. And it feels really great.
I miss the group, I really do, and someday I might go back, but right now, I need to do this for me. Because we only get one shot in this life, and I want to live mine in the present moment.
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